Me
My name is Greg Gaines. I am seventeen. I am the one who wrote this book. My physical appearance is unsatisfactory, and there is probably a fungus eating my brain. I’m not even sure I’m a human.

Earl
Earl Jackson us the only person who is even sort of my friend. We make mediocre films together. Werner Herzog is our biggest influence. Earl is generally filled with violent rage.

Dying Girl
During my senior year, my mom forced me to become friends with a girl who had cancer. This brought about the destruction of my entire life.

If you seriously want to read about that, then I guess this brain-punchingly inane book is for you.